- “I was impacted by the layoffs” = Those MFers just unceremoniously shitcanned me
- “I am fortunate to have had this opportunity” = Look, future employers, see? See how gracious I’m being?
- “I’m so grateful to my CEO, Jerry, for teaching me how to move fast and break things” = He’s clearly very good at that, look at how quickly he broke the entire company!
- “I’m so proud of the work I did here” = 🎶 When I’m gone, when I’m gone, you’re gonna miss me when I’m gone 🎶
- “It was amazing to work in such a fast-paced environment” = but maybe we shoulda slowed down a bit, eh Jerry?
- “I’m excited for the next chapter of my career” = but really I expected the previous chapter to be longer and to end less shitily
- “Thank you to all my amazing teammates, I hope to work with you again in the future” = see you after the next round of layoffs!
Originally published at https://www.linkedin.com.